Forgiveness
I stood at a crossroad of decisions. Let the pain and bitterness continue to grow and fester… Or, I could choose to forgive and let the healing process begin. I chose the latter, and I believe I’m living in the blessings of God because of that choice.
I do not recall the exact moment it all left me. I just remember it taking many afternoons on a pier overlooking a pond with a fishing pole in my hand. I remember it taking many days sitting on the ground twiddling the grass around me as I pondered over my life. I just remember so many mornings sitting in the quiet - not saying anything - just existing.
Before I knew it, I could look back and the sting was gone. I could speak without tears, and my heart wasn’t pounding in bitterness. I could look at the exact place where the pain had been, and there wasn’t even a scar. It was a miraculous healing. For the life of me, I couldn’t even remember when it happened. I tried to pinpoint an exact date or an exact moment. I drew a blank every time.
Before I had been miraculously healed, I remember crying to my boyfriend (my husband now) and saying, “I’m sorry I’m so negative. I know there are people with a lot worse things going on in their life. I shouldn’t be complaining, I need to be grateful. It just really hurts.” His response back to me really touched me and helped me in the forgiving process. He said, “Just because your pain is different than someone else’s doesn’t mean it is insignificant. You are allowed to feel the way you do, and let God work on you through it.”
I think before he said that to me, I felt like in order to truly forgive, I couldn’t feel the pain. I couldn’t feel the hurt. I would just have to forgive and get over it. When he said that to me, I was able to prayerfully navigate what I was feeling and let God work on me through it all. I know it sounds simple and almost ridiculous to type up, but somebody needs to hear this: Pain hurts. There’s no other way around it. If you are in a season of pain, you do not have to hide the fact that you’re hurting. Actually, I’m not even sure you can properly heal until you acknowledge that there is in fact a wound.
Whenever you admit that there is some pain, you can then allow the Master Physician to help you in the healing process. Do not expect it to be an overnight miracle. A wound that is healing takes time. There are different phases. First, you have the wound that is fresh and exposed. Then, you have a wound that is scabbed over. Finally, you have a spot where the wound used to be - typically identified as a scar.
The healing process will take a lot longer if you don’t clean the wound properly. If you don’t wash it with prayer, infection can set in. You might notice the healing process take longer if you pick at the scab. If you’re continuously talking about it with others, you’re picking that scab off that was trying to heal up.
If you give it time, you will notice that Jesus can miraculously heal the wounds in your life. You might have a scar where it used to hurt, but it will only be a testimony for the glory of God.
Extending forgiveness is a process. You must allow Jesus to heal those wounds deep inside. Once your wound is healed, you will find it much easier to forgive. They go hand in hand.
I can look back and know that Jesus did a miraculous work in my heart that only He could do. My prayer today is that you allow Him to begin that same work in you.